I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
