Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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