We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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