i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
