is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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