I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
cat food counts as protein by the way
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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