He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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