Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
