my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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