bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
