well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
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I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
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For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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