dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize