Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
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"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
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I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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