you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
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The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
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thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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