well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
