I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
