I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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