Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
