This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
