Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
