smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
