I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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