you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
