the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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