We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
