I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
