she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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