can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
