you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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