If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
