You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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