i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
