He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
a search helicopter?!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
