hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
