This girl is more easily done than said...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
