What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My balls are so social today.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
