His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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