i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
