I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
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There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
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Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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