I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
