i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
