Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
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Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
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The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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