I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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