Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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