i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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