you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
