I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
