Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
