We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
