Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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