i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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