We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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