thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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