Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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