No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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