it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
