My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
