The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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