Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You had me at "let me see your balls"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
