That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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