Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
