If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
It's just like the Real World with babies
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
