It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
