Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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