I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
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worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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