When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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