hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
